The Difference Between Men and Women (and also my usual sort of quasi-theological ramblings)
Okay World-
Here it is. The definitive word on what really separates the men from the women. You ready for it? Yes? Good - then let's talk about...
Carrots. Yep, that's right. I like 'em cooked, my wife likes to eat them raw. What the helk*? Actually, what really rubs my rabbits about all of this is that I can force down a handful of raw carrots (as I did today), and STILL not have consumed a whole serving. 14 baby carrots. That's what they say is a serving. I reached capacity somewhere around 8 or 9. Oh, and you buy a candy bar, like a bigger one (but still not that big, definitely not "Texas-sized"), and you're probably looking at 2 servings. Bogus. Totally bogus. I'm like 99% sure that the government is screwing with us on this. But to get into that here would test even my limits of appropriate use of tangenting in a blogging event. Plus, you haven't even gotten to the asterisked footnote yet. So I reluctantly digress.
Okay, so that probably didn't have much to do with men and women. But I do still wonder... why this difference between my wife and me? Is it just about carrots, or is it something deeper than that? Maybe y'all can help me with this. Help me broaden my mind. Help me uncover the deeper issues. Any thoughts?
*By the way, those of you who regularly resort to using the word "heck" - thinking that you're somehow better off for euphemistically avoiding the "H-E-Double-Hockey-Sticks" word - you owe me a debt of gratitude. You're welcome... for me showing you a better way. It seems pretty apparent to me that more and more people truly value transparency and being "real" to the point of not trying to maintain "appearances" that are really of no substantive value to a person (not cussing, not smoking or drinking, not wearing spandex) - that is, why maintain hypocrisy if you're heart's not right? Aim for the heart, and the behaviors will change, right? So, in the process of making real change, you're left with a difficult decision: Do I keep up the appearances whilst trying to have a real change of heart, or do I throw caution to the wind, let the tongue loose, and potentially lose myself in the process of trying to arrive at a changed self? Friends, I have revealed to you that oh-so-prized middle road: Do both. Take "helk", for example. You're not actually cussing by saying "hell", neither are you pulling that lame act of substituting words that no one really says when they stub their toe in an empty house (thus "heck" or "shoot"). You're doing something much better. You're getting some of the frustration out, while still maintaining a measure of dignity and reserve. And both the sailors and the pew-warmers will know what you mean. Again, and not to sound like a broken record, but... You're welcome.
Here it is. The definitive word on what really separates the men from the women. You ready for it? Yes? Good - then let's talk about...
Carrots. Yep, that's right. I like 'em cooked, my wife likes to eat them raw. What the helk*? Actually, what really rubs my rabbits about all of this is that I can force down a handful of raw carrots (as I did today), and STILL not have consumed a whole serving. 14 baby carrots. That's what they say is a serving. I reached capacity somewhere around 8 or 9. Oh, and you buy a candy bar, like a bigger one (but still not that big, definitely not "Texas-sized"), and you're probably looking at 2 servings. Bogus. Totally bogus. I'm like 99% sure that the government is screwing with us on this. But to get into that here would test even my limits of appropriate use of tangenting in a blogging event. Plus, you haven't even gotten to the asterisked footnote yet. So I reluctantly digress.
Okay, so that probably didn't have much to do with men and women. But I do still wonder... why this difference between my wife and me? Is it just about carrots, or is it something deeper than that? Maybe y'all can help me with this. Help me broaden my mind. Help me uncover the deeper issues. Any thoughts?
*By the way, those of you who regularly resort to using the word "heck" - thinking that you're somehow better off for euphemistically avoiding the "H-E-Double-Hockey-Sticks" word - you owe me a debt of gratitude. You're welcome... for me showing you a better way. It seems pretty apparent to me that more and more people truly value transparency and being "real" to the point of not trying to maintain "appearances" that are really of no substantive value to a person (not cussing, not smoking or drinking, not wearing spandex) - that is, why maintain hypocrisy if you're heart's not right? Aim for the heart, and the behaviors will change, right? So, in the process of making real change, you're left with a difficult decision: Do I keep up the appearances whilst trying to have a real change of heart, or do I throw caution to the wind, let the tongue loose, and potentially lose myself in the process of trying to arrive at a changed self? Friends, I have revealed to you that oh-so-prized middle road: Do both. Take "helk", for example. You're not actually cussing by saying "hell", neither are you pulling that lame act of substituting words that no one really says when they stub their toe in an empty house (thus "heck" or "shoot"). You're doing something much better. You're getting some of the frustration out, while still maintaining a measure of dignity and reserve. And both the sailors and the pew-warmers will know what you mean. Again, and not to sound like a broken record, but... You're welcome.
Labels: culture-watching, neologizing, petty ranting, rough theologizing, timeless relationship wisdom
posted by joe.peebles at 10:08 AM
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